Blessed to be a blessing

I grew up in a "well off" household. I had a pretty cushy life - there were never any worries about money. I never really knew how wealthy my folks were exactly, I just knew that I had more luxuries than most of my friends. I didn't really think a great deal about money, or what things cost. I'm kind of appalled now at the sense of entitlement that I had growing up. I remember one year asking for a waterbed for my birthday. As if it were nothing. My folks were not ostentatious spenders, and my mom was actually quite frugal with the day to day expenses. Still, I was always aware that we had more.

My mom and dad taught me that it is not polite to discuss money with others. As in how much you have. They really drummed it into me that by discussing money, and the things we had because of money, I might cause others who had less than we did to feel bad about their circumstances. Now, I understand their thinking and I know that they were well intentioned, but it had the effect of making me feel guilty about having more than others and I find that now, as an adult, I have a hard time enjoying my blessings. I feel bad about them. This, in turn, makes me feel guilty that I am not properly thankful for what God had seen fit to bless me with. If someone mentions, for example, what a nice home we have, I get embarrassed and make a deprecating remark about it. I'm not trying to be falsely humble or anything, I am just terribly uncomfortable acknowledging material blessings. And it seems wrong to feel bad about what I have, like I'm spitting on God's blessings to me. I know that I need to be more grateful for my blessings...but is simply being grateful enough?

Lately I've been taking a long, hard look at our finances and the reality is, we are pretty blessed. We haven't always been this well-off - in the early years of our marriage we were dirt poor, partly because we didn't have much money coming in and partly because we were horrible money managers. Gradually though, as we've learned to be better stewards with what God has put in our care, He's given us more to manage and we have been able to pay down our debt (except for mortgage) and build up some savings. Even though there's more coming in than there used to be, like my mom I still use my frugal skills for day to day living, because it allows me to splurge in other areas (like our upcoming vacation, which took me two years to save for, but hey, it's PAID for.) I admit that after those first years of living financially precariously, we've been kind of selfish about what we use our money for. It's been mostly about building some financial security into our lives. Having grown up with prosperity, it was pretty frightening for me to live so close to the edge financially.

The last, oh I don't know, year or so maybe, my conscience has been bothering me more and more about how we, as a family, use our money. (See how that works? It's NOT my money, it's God's and He's entrusted it to my care. I know this, but still my head wants it to be mine.) Besides our tithes and offerings to the church and our monthly World Vision payments, our charitable giving is pretty pathetic. I don't mean to say that we are ungenerous, but we are perhaps not generous in proportion to our blessings. I make donations here and there when folks approach me, but there's no real rhyme or reason to it and certainly no purposeful thought behind it. I have this feeling that I need to be just as intentional about using my money to bless others as I am about using my time and talents.

On Saturday my husband and I got into a discussion about how we could better use our resources to bless others (instead of, you know, just blessing ourselves like we currently do). We determined that whatever we give to we would like it to be something that will a) further the Kingdom and b) meet physical needs of others. We tossed about a few ideas, but nothing really jumped out at us, so we figured that the decision needed more prayer. But yesterday at church we heard about the work that Lutheran Church Canada is doing in Nicaragua. The mission that we planted there just a few short years ago has EXPLODED and thousands are hearing the Gospel and becoming Christians. Because of the civil strife in the '70's and '80's and more recently the devastation of Hurricane Mitch, there are many physical needs that need to be met as well. My husband and I just looked at each other and nodded our heads. I knew exactly what my husband was thinking, because I was thinking it too: this is what we will support. (For now anyways...who knows what else He has in store for us?)

So I would like to ask you all, if you wouldn't mind, to pray for the Lutheran mission in Nicaragua. Pray that God would cause that which we give to be a blessing to others. Pray that above all, hearts and minds would be opened to the good news of salvation in Christ. Thanks.