Get thee behind me satan

I'm beginning to wonder if there is a black cloud hanging over my head or something. Look, I don't want to go into details. Satan has flung another arrow at our family, that is certain. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of poor, poor me. I don't know why he's decided to pick on me and my family. I guess because he's found fertile ground here. He's managed to stir up strife and despair here; maybe he's lazy and likes to go for the low-hanging fruit.

I'm damaged right now, I know it, and susceptible to his attacks. I am so weak and weary and in need of strength, and in my weakness I have neglected the Word and His gifts given in the Divine Service. Would you lift me up? Prayer would be appreciated. A word of Scripture, if you can offer it, would help. Thanks everyone.

Rockstar

Brent had two performances this week in Toronto. On Thursday they were booked to perform at The Opera House and on Friday they played at Reverb.

The band that Brent is in is called "Made By A Virus". They are a rock band with a hip-hop influence. They mostly play rock venues and we've had a lot of fun accompanying him when he plays. I like to go partly to make sure that everything is ok in these places, and partly because I really like to see and hear him play. There are no drugs or alcohol going on in this band. Brent is the youngest band member and the older guys are good about watching out for him. I know it sounds weird, but this band has been a good influence on him. It's been good for him to have a focus and something to keep his mind off of his legal troubles.

Thursday's show was a hip-hop festival - about a dozen acts were performing. Made By A Virus was the only band performing; everybody else were "MC" acts, ie. they MC to a pre-recorded track.

Call me naive, but I was not aware of the dangers of the hip-hop culture. You could immediately sense there was tension between some of these performers. I guess its a pretty competitive industry and rivalries develop. Anyways, I'll make a long story short here: the band never got to perform because just before it was their turn to go on, a fight broke out between two of the hip-hop crews and two people got stabbed. We witnessed the fight, but thankfully we did not see the stabbings. The police arrived very quickly, shut down the show and locked down the building so no one could enter or leave. Everybody had to give their name and contact information and describe what they saw, if anything. Brent and I saw who did it and were able to identify the performers involved so we had to stay quite a while giving the police the details. The two young men who were stabbed know there attackers, and the attackers gave their names and addresses earlier to the promoters, so there is no doubt that they will be found and arrested. At the end of the ordeal, I was VERY glad I had decided to accompany Brent.

Friday's event was pretty subdued. I think everybody was still thinking of the events of the night before. They performed early in the evening and there weren't too many people in the hall at that point. I have to give them credit, they did their best to create as much energy as they could for their performance. I must have been discouraging to come all that way to perform for a handful of people

I got some pictures from the Reverb performance...

I would like a gold star now, please

Wow. I blogged three days in a row. Haven't done that in a LONG time. Its not like I haven't had anything to say. On the contrary, so much has happened over the last few months I scarcely know where to begin. I will try to catch you all up. I may have to do it over a couple posts...and I can't promise it will be entirely coherent.

Our houseguest T is gone. We had to ask her to leave (I'd rather not say why, out of respect for her privacy). She had no where to go - no one else would take her in. So I took her to a shelter. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Like in the top three. Maybe two. That shelter...well, let's just say that while I'm glad that such facilities exist for those who need them, it's still not a very nice place and certainly not the kind of place you'd want to have to bring a pregnant teen to.

Its been about 3 months now since she left. I hear that she is still living there. She has changed her mind about placing her child for adoption though. I feared that would happen. It might have happened whether we allowed her to stay on with us - I was getting the feeling she was having second thoughts - but I can't help but feel some guilt over what happened. The baby is due in about 2 weeks. I pray for them both often.

Things don't always work out the way you hope they will. You do things, and you mean them for good, but they don't turn out that way. It has been a hard lesson for me to learn. The apostle Paul insists that God uses all that stuff anyways, for the good of those who love Him. He takes the stuff that blows up in our faces and redeems it. I long to know sometimes how it looks from that other perspective; from here it looks like just so much smoke and ashes. I am not good at being patient.

Understanding Christian vocation

Dr. Gene Edward Veith discussing Christian vocation on Issues, Etc. It's a long listen - almost an hour - but so worth it. Have a listen. Then listen again. I bet it will forever change the way you view your Christian service.

I have the wisest pastor in the world

Don't believe me? Read on...


When Brent was arrested and banned (by the police) from returning home, one of the first things we did was take him to see our pastor. There were a lot of things going on that we needed help and guidance with: how to handle the arrest and criminal charges, how to deal with the underlying anger issues that led to the arrest, how to work toward a reconciliation between Kirk and Brent. Our pastor was formerly the chaplain at Lutherwood (a residential program for troubled youth) and has plenty of experience dealing with the Young Offenders justice system. He's also a skilled counsellor and mediator. He and Brent have a good relationship and Brent trusts him, so it seemed the logical place to go for help.


Our pastor listened to our tale, advised us on on how to begin working through our myriad troubles, spoke some words of encouragement to us and prayed with us. His take charge manner was quite reassuring and we left feeling a bit more hopeful.

But despite all that, Brent was still feeling pretty down - not being able to come home with us was pretty hard on him. We dropped him off at his place and reminded him we'd be there to pick him up the following morning to go to church.

We knew that going to church was going to be a hurdle for him; he was feeling pretty ashamed and self-conscious and worried that people would see him differently because of his arrest. We tried to reassure him as best we could.

That Sunday it was Confirmation day and we pull out all the stops for a big day like that. The service begins with special music and a full procession with acolytes, crucifer and candle-bearer followed by the Pastor, Vicar and the confirmands and then the choir, of which I am a member. So there I am, waiting in the narthex for the procession to begin and who do I see coming out, dressed in an alb and carrying the processional cross but Brent. My heart nearly stopped. Its been a number of years since I saw Brent dressed for a procession; those duties usually are carried out by confirmands and Brent is long since confirmed. Occassionally though, Pastor will tap an older kid if he's short of help.

I knew in the instant I saw him that our pastor had chosen Brent with another purpose in mind. This was his way of telling Brent that despite what had happened, nothing had changed. In this place, the cross was still for him, forgiveness was his just as surely as the cross he held in his hands. Your sins are forgiven, Brent.

It was a very moving moment for me. I entered the sanctuary that morning with tears streaming down my face, singing "Thy Strong Word" as my son processed ahead of me, bearing the cross to the altar. I will never forget that day and what my dear pastor did for my son.

Message of love

For Ken's birthday this year I bought us his and hers jewelery - gold chains and crosses. The significance of this gift might not be readily apparent if you don't know us well.

First and foremost the jewelery is an outward representation of our unity: united in marriage and united in Christ. That one should be fairly obvious and it is the primary statement I wanted to make, but there are other reasons I bought the jewelery.

Have you ever heard of that "love language" thing? Supposedly each of us has a method, a "language" if you will of how we view expressions of love, both given and received. Ken's love language is giving and receiving gifts. When someone gives him a gift he views it as an expression of love towards him. It is also his primary way of demonstrating his love towards others. And the bigger the gift, the greater the love.

I, however, have a different love language. My language is to do things for others. That's how I demonstrate my love for others - I do things for them. And for me, the more "menial" the job, the greater the love I am demonstrating. Conversely, I view acts of kindness done for me as proof of devotion.

As far as love languages go, we are pretty much at opposite ends of the spectrum. We're aware of each others languages and we do try to give and receive love with that understanding but...well, let's just say that it doesn't come naturally for either of us.

Ken is also a big fan of the bling. He likes big rings and wears multiple bracelets and necklaces. We have a little saying: Ken likes the shiny and impractical. *smile* But me? Not so much. I prefer the understated. I wear very little jewelery and the thought of spending a lot of money on jewelery makes me shudder.

So you can see then, why this birthday gift has special significance. With it I tried to speak in the love language that he understands and in a way that would be unmistakeable to him. I think he gets it because he hasn't taken off the necklace since I gave it to him.