I am pro-life.
But I wasn't always.
I came of age in the late 1980's. Here in Canada there was a lot of attention on "the abortion issue" around that time. Up until the late 60's/early 70's (I forget exactly) abortion under any circumstances was illegal in Canada. It was illegal to perform one and illegal to have one. Then good old Trudeau decided that "the state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation" and the abortion legislation was changed to permit abortions that were performed in hospitals, reviewed by a committee and deemed to be necessary to protect the health of the mother. All other abortions remained illegal. Then in 1988, the Supreme Court of Canada struck down the existing abortion legislation as "unconstitutional". Since then, there have been no new attempts to legislate abortion, so in effect any and all abortion is legal in Canada.
As well, in 1989 there were two high profile abortion cases that made the national news. They both involved pregnant, unmarried women seeking abortions. Nothing new there, right? What made them of interest to the country was the fact that their boyfriends (the fathers of the unborn children) sought and were granted injunctions against their girlfriend having the abortion. The courts eventually overturned the injunctions and said that fathers can't "force" mothers to carry children they don't want to, but neither woman waited that long. Both of them defied the injunctions and had abortions performed in the United States.
I remember these cases quite well. I was pregnant at the time with Kirk, so they hit close to home. And I'll be honest...at the time I had mixed feelings about it all. I feel differently about it now, but back then I didn't think it was right that the man could force a woman to remain pregnant against her will. It just seemed wrong to me. But abortion seemed wrong to me too. I was decidedly conflicted on the matter.
Of course, those were different times. My attitude towards abortion has migrated into the staunchly pro-life camp. It's not because my attitude about men forcing women to carry babies has changed - I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's still something wrong about that to me. What has changed is my attitude and understanding of the sanctity of life. It changed over time; as I got older and my understanding of the Scriptures matured I became convinced that God regards all life as sacred and that we are obligated to protect life in all circumstances.
Lately though, I've come to understand that opposing abortion doesn't necessarily equate to being pro-life.
We have a new foster daughter. She has been living with us since the end of January. She is 18 and she is almost 6 months pregnant. We did not know when we took her in that she was pregnant - I'm not sure if it would have made a difference...but it might have. We might not have wanted to take that on. I'm not trying to justify that - just being honest.
In fact, there have been moments when I have questioned the wisdom of having her living with us. It has been, quite frankly, somewhat disruptive for our family. We've had to deal with things I never dreamt I'd be doing at this point in my life. We are now in the position of guiding and influencing the course of at least two young lives - Timika's and the baby's - and the burden of this responsibility weighs on me. I must admit I feel utterly unequal to the task. I've gone back and forth on whether we are doing the right thing. Would she be better served if we were to find her a maternity home to live in, with professional folks who are trained to help her deal with her situation? I've thought about it.
Recently, I heard the following quote from Dr. James Lamb, director of Lutherans for Life, on Issues, Etc.:
"We don't see it (abortion) as just a moral issue that needs correcting or a political issue that needs strategizing; it's a spiritual issue and that needs to take priority for us in our lives to move us in the decisions that we make, the issues that we support and defend and so forth.
We as God's people need to reach out and influence those around us who are not like us, living in the real world. And that means if we are going to influence our neighbor...we are to love our neighbor. And so the manner of reaching out becomes very important. So there's a call for sharing the truth in love and there's a call for acting out in love. "
I have taken those words to heart. Timika will stay here and we will walk with her through this. I think this is what Dr. Lamb meant by acting out in love. We covet your prayers.
Is it mean to call my kids hippos? I don't mean to imply that they are big. It's just that they're always on the lookout for something to eat. Ravenous wolves. Vultures. Like that.
This time of year money is always tight for us, so I am looking for some frugal snack ideas that will satisfy the vultures kiddos. Except snacks is maybe not quite the word...mini-meals would be more like it. Anybody got any ideas they'd like to share?
Speaking of mini-meals, here's one that I've been making for years...
English muffin pizzas
Pkg of 12 english muffins (I get mine at the bakery "thrift" shop 2 pkg. for $1.75)
Tomato sauce (about half a can = 50 cents)
shredded cheese (cost varies, but I shred it myself and it is about $1.00 a cup)
parmesan cheese
italian seasoning
other toppings (use up leftover meat and veggies)
I'm sure you know how to make mini pizzas. The trick to keeping the cost down on these is in the cheese. You don't need to use much at all, and if you sprinkle on a little parmesan cheese you get a big boost in taste for very little $$$. I make a big batch, cook them and let them cool and then package them in twos. I don't bother freezing them (I keep them in the fridge instead) and they go pretty fast. But they can be frozen and reheated in a toaster oven or microwave.
So, what do you feed your hungry, hungry hippos?
Yes, lame. I know. I apologize that I could not come up with a more clever way to announce that...our family has expanded again!
We have decided to take in a young lady named Timika who needs a safe place to stay. She has been with us for a week now and she is settling in nicely.
The Lord has been good, giving us inner assurance that He has called us to do this. Can't explain it - just know it.
A couple of years ago we considered fostering -even investigated it - but at that point we weren't sure the time and circumstances were right. Now, apparently they are. *grin*
I sure would appreciate prayers for our family as we all adjust to our newest member. Thanks so much!
Huh. I see that the last time I blogged was in November. Like, two months ago. It didn't seem that long to me! But a lot of people started emailing me, wondering if I had moved away or something. Ooops. Sorry. *sheepish grin*
Yesterday Alli and I had fun putting up Christmas decorations. Our family tradition is decorate our Christmas tree on the last Saturday of the church year - which was yesterday. That's the day that we get out our Christmas decorations and get the house all dressed up for Christmas. We listen to Christmas music and have hot chocolate while we work. It's fun! Even though Advent doesn't technically start until today, I like to have the house looking like the season for the start of Advent.
We put up twinkle lights throughout the house. It gives off a pretty glow.
The mantle with stockings. Its hard to see in this picture but there are little baby Christmas trees on the mantle amongst the candles and pinecones.
Snowman collection.
And finally the tree. We have a wimpy little tree! I have it loaded down in lights and ornaments in an effort to bulk it up *grin*!
What does your house look like? Let me know if you put up any pics.
Came home today to find a paper sack full of bagels waiting for me on the front porch.
My dad must have stopped by...
Does anybody know what "resort wear" is? I feel a bit foolish asking. One answer that I got is it is the same as "cruise wear" but since I've never been on a cruise, I don't know what cruise wear is either.
The reason I would like to know is because - hold on to your seats now, because you are not going to believe this - my husband and I are going on a business trip with his company in January and we have been told that the attire is "resort wear". And where, pray tell, does one need to wear "resort/cruise wear" in January?
Are you ready for this??
The thing about the BlackBerry is you are always connected. You can get phone calls and email virtually anywhere in the world - heck that's old news.
I'm able to blog from this device (I am doing so right now) and I can check your blogs too. I can easily check facebook and Twitter from it as well. Texting is a breeze - so much so that I probably text more than I make phone calls. I have internet access pretty much anywhere if I am willing to pay the data roaming charges. It really is a marvellous little device and there is a lot to love about it.
Now that the novelty of it has worn off, I'm beginning to wonder if being able to blog on the toilet (if one was so inclined - which I am NOT!) is such a good thing after all. Do people REALLY need to be connected all the time? I think an argument can be made that these devices that are supposed to help us stay connected can also play a role in DISconnecting us from those around us.
Case in point: last night Ken and I sat beside each other in bed - I with my BlackBerry, updating my blog and Ken with his iTouch, watching a movie.
Tonight gadgets are offlimits and we are going swimming.
My son Kirk is tall and gangly like his father. Well, gangly like his father used to be at that age. I met Ken at precisely the age Kirk is now. I keep expecting Kirk to look and act like Ken did then, but he doesn't.
In fact, he takes after my brother Stephen quite a bit; so much so that it's kind of eerie. He resembles him quite a bit physically, but that's not where it ends. He talks like Stevey. His tone and phrasing and choice of words - Stevey. Gestures, mannerisms, quirks - all Stevey. Even a lot of Kirk's attitudes and the way he looks at the world remind me more of Stephen than they do of his father.
Truthfully, it frightens me. A lot.
I don't think I've ever said much about my brother Stephen. I might have mentioned "my crazy brother" in passing, but I'm pretty sure I've never blogged any particulars. Stephen is currently estranged from our entire family. And when I call him "crazy" I actually mean it. As in he has a mental illness.
It's very difficult for me to talk about him. I have very mixed up, jumbled feelings about him and I have a hard time keeping any objectivity. He has, by his actions, hurt our family very deeply. A part of me understands that it's his disease that makes him like this, but another part of me wants - needs - to hold someone (him!) responsible for the havoc that he wrought on us.
It was around the age that Kirk is now, maybe a little earlier, that Stephen first started to exhibit signs of mental instability. I remember that out of the blue he would become unreasonable, irrational even, over small little things. And he seemed angry a lot of the time.
This is why I am frightened. I am seeing some signs in Kirk that worry me. He seems overwhelmed by the everyday. He has a hard time coping with...just everyday life. Well, I know anxiety when I see it and I see it in him. But where I will get weepy when things get tough, Kirk's go-to emotion is anger. It reminds me a lot of Stephen.
Over the years Stephen's quirks grew into full blown mental illness. (Look, I should say upfront, that he has never had a diagnosis, because he refuses to acknowledge that he has a problem. But if you were to spend, oh, I don't know, maybe 30 minutes with him, I'm pretty sure that you'd come away with the same impression. He's just not rational.) But the point is, it started out small. At eighteen it was easy to dismiss his peculiarities as teenage angst. Teenagers are known to be moody, so it wasn't that hard to attribute his radical mood swings to hormones. And because Stephen moved out of the house when he was only 19, his illness was hidden to us a great deal of the time...but it grew.
This morning Kirk had "an episode". I came downstairs to find him weeping as he should have been leaving for work. I was alarmed and asked him what what wrong. He couldn't answer - he honestly didn't know. He said the moment his alarm went off and he had to get up for work, he burst into tears. The thought of having to go into work was utterly overwhelming to him. And the fact of this made him bewildered and angry all at the same time. Now, understand that for months now, I've been wavering, wondering if I'm really seeing what I think I'm seeing. But you know, people don't just wake up in the morning and fall apart because they have to go to work. That's not normal. So this morning I decided that I'm not going to wait and wonder any longer. We have a history of mental disorders in our family and it is entirely possible, if not likely, that Kirk could develop one too.
So after breakfast I called the doctor. I told them what I saw and I told them what I suspected and I made an appointment to have Kirk come in to talk to the doctor. And then I worried all day how Kirk would react. *weak smile*
But maybe, just maybe he's not like Stevey after all. Because Kirk didn't get angry and deny that he was having problems. He didn't try to justify his behaviour and try to manipulate me into thinking I was overreacting. He was relieved. And grateful. And hopeful that there is help out there for him.
I understand how hard it can be to open up to someone and tell them that you're having a hard time coping - period. That everything in life is brittle, and harsh and too bright...and there's no good reason why it should feel like that. I remember those bleak days, and when I think of my son having to endure them, it feels like my heart is being squeezed right out of my chest.
As always, Jesus is my consolation. I feel like I'm hanging on to Him with my fingernails, but I know that isn't true. If it were up to me and my strength, I would have let go by now. It is He who holds onto me. And that gives me more comfort than I can describe. I wish I could wax poetic about it but his faith of mine isn't the most elegant. I seem to lack the eloquence to give voice to all that it is to me. But it is a sturdy faith. Servicable and practical. And pointed firmly towards the cross, the only place I'm sure of. It is the faith that God has given me and like all His good gifts, it is sufficient.
Thank you Jesus, for sending your Holy Spirit to sanctify me and keep me in the true faith. This hasn't exactly been my best year ever, but by faith like Job I can say, "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him."
I tried doing the "real-time" blogging thing while we were on vacation, but frankly, typing out a post on the teeny tiny keyboard of a BlackBerry is not fun. I can understand why heavy users develop carpal tunnel. I also could not figure out how to upload pictures from the device. So I decided to wait until I had time when I got back. So, where did I leave off? Oh yeah, fishing at the break of dawn...
I have my hands full with teenage angst right now. *One* teenager in particular. Our whole family covets your prayer right now. It feels like everything is coming apart at the seams right now. Things will settle down eventually - they always do - but while we're in the midst of it its hard to remember that we are being held in His hands. I hate sin. I hate that there is sin in the world and that it infects me and those that I love. I hate that despite the fact that I am a new creation in Christ, the old Adam still resides in me and I sin and I despair over it. I need the Eucharist desperately. I have no strength of my own and I need the body and blood of my Lord. I can't wait until Sunday. If I called my pastor he would come and bring it to me but I hesitate to call because then he might see how horribly wrong things are in our lives. What is the matter with me that this pride would keep me from the comfort and strength offered to me in the supper?
Its 6 am. Hubby set the alarm for 5:30 to get up and go fishing. Upon seeing that it is still DARK at that unholy hour he decided that maybe he'd sleep some more. I, however, can't get back to sleep. With everybody still asleep in the trailers, I have come out to the front porch to blog.
The plan for this morning is Ken and my dad (when they can manage to rouse themselves, lol) are going fishing. Apparently dad has learned the location of a secret fishing hole. How secret this "hole" can be on Lake Erie I don't know. Maybe fishing "spot" is a better way to describe it. In any case, I'm sure hoping for some fresh pickerel for lunch!
Mom and the girls and I are going to go in to town this morning and pick up a few groceries and get some corn from a roadside vendor. Its now peak corn season. Fresh corn and pickerel...ah, bliss!
Other than that we don't have a whole lot planned for the morning. My dad has promised us a boat ride. Danielle is really looking forward to that as she's never been in a small watercraft before. I grew up around boats and learned how to drive them at around age 12. I am not able to drive them anymore though because I don't have my boat license. (Its a new thing that just came in about 5 yrs ago.). Ken has his license so I've never bothered to get mine. I am content to let Ken or my dad do the driving.
I'm taking lots of pictures but I can't figure out how to post them from the handheld. (Actually, I'm not even sure you can. May have to wait until I get back home to put them up.). Ta ta for now!
Here we are at Big Otter Marina in Port Burwell. We are staying with my mom and dad who have a trailer here. This weekend - the Civic Holiday weekend - is the busiest weekend of the year here in Port Burwell. It was pretty quiet tonight but there's a lot going on tomorrow and Sunday.
Alli is with us and she brought along a friend, Danielle. The girls went to a dance tonight. They said it was "ok" (affecting nonchalance). Oh to be 15 and "cool" again *eyes rolling*
We (me, Ken and my folks) went to a campfire but got rained out after about 30 minutes. I was getting tired anyways. My dad gave me a beer and a shot of brandy. The beer was good but the brandy made me tired.
Off to bed. More adventures tomorrow.
Isn't it hot?
We have central air in this house, so we are able to escape the heat if we need to, but I remember the days when we didn't have air conditioning. If we had a heat wave it could get unbearable. We had to come up with some novel ways to keep cool...
Like most people, we kept the curtains drawn and the lights off as much as possible. We kept the windows closed during the heat of the day and only opened them when it was cooler outside than inside. I'd usually open up the front and back doors in the early morning hours and get a nice cross breeze going. If you could get the house a few degrees cooler in the morning then it would stay bearable until about dinner time.
I tried to prepare meals that didn't require using the stove, and never the oven! I had a little hotplate that I used outside to cook whatever couldn't be done on the barbeque. Actually, I still use that hotplate and cook outside when it's hot as well as a little toaster oven. The back porch is right off the kitchen so it's handy.
After dinner we'd head down to the basement where it was coolest, but even down there it would get uncomfortable after a few hours. We had a couple of standing fans that we moved from room to room with us and we'd put them on oscillate so we'd have a breeze. If it got really bad, we kept little spray bottles of ice water handy and misted ourselves down. I can remember lying on the couch with a fan in front, trying not to move too much and misting myself nearly constantly!
Our ace-in-the-hole was our kiddy pool. We had a little one in the back yard that you could get about 8 inches of water in and after it got dark (so nobody could see us!) we'd go out and get in. We'd lie there in the water for half an hour or so until we were almost chilly and then head off to bed. Being in the pool seemed to bring our skin temperature down quite a bit and it made it easier to get to sleep.
Even though we have a/c now, we still do a lot of those things we used to do in order to keep the hydro bill down. We use one of those timer thingies to turn the thermostat up at night and when we're out of the house and down again when we are home. This summer has been a bit cooler than usual so we haven't had to run it too much of the time anyways. I'm thankful for that because our hydro went up in March to almost double what we were paying before. And I somehow doubt that the price is ever going to come back down, *grin*.
Guess what I will be doing this weekend?
ARG.
My Brent is home. I have missed him so much and am so happy and relieved to have him back under my roof that I'm probably in danger of caving and giving in to his every unwholesome desire. Ok, not really, but I sure do have some praying and thinking to do. How this will all work out, I don't know, but for now I am thankful to have my son home.
Thank you, Lord, for your tender mercy.
I guess it may seem that the decision to ask Brent to leave was rather abrupt, perhaps even rash. I have been second-guessing myself all weekend long - did we do the right thing?
What's been going on with Brent has been going on for an extended period now. We first began having problems well over a year ago. At first the behaviours seemed isolated and they were so out of character for him. But a pattern of defiance and disrespect for those in authority over him has developed and in the last few weeks my husband and I came to the decision that we could no longer allow his behaviour to disrupt the rest of the family. We laid it out for Brent: we don't want to have to ask you to leave, but if you wish to continue living here then you MUST abide by our rules. If you want to live by your own rules, then you will have to do so elsewhere.
I'll say this for Brent, he's tenacious. He wondered if we could negotiate a third option: he would continue to live here, but he could live as he pleased on a trial basis. Just to, you know, see how that would work out for everyone. (!) That kid. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry over the stuff he comes up with. *smile* Well, obviously our answer to the third option was no. Bottom line: if you want to live like a grown-up and enjoy all the perks of being able to (theoretically) live as you please, then you have to take on the responsibilities of a grown-up as well. And that includes taking care of yourself.
Well, we negotiated a few things: curfew and expectations for chores etc. And in the end, he agreed that he wanted to continue living here and he would tow the line.
But then Saturday he didn't. I would rather not say specifically what happened - let me just say that he crossed a line and did something incredibly disrespectful towards me. Suddenly I found myself at this point where I felt I had no good choice. If I let it slide, I would have no hope of ever enforcing the rules with him. But the alternative...?
In the back of my mind I had known that it would eventually come to this. Somehow, despite our best intentions, we let things get too far out of hand and by the time we really, solidly, no-fooling-this-time put our collective foot down...it was too late. The pattern had become too ingrained in him.
Do you remember that we took in a friend of Brent's for a few days in the winter when he was having trouble at home? Well, they are returning the favour. Brent has been staying with them since Saturday. Our hope is, of course, that we can work this out and that he will return home but I am relieved to know that he is somewhere safe for the timebeing.
This afternoon I invited Brent to come home for supper tonight so we can talk. We will see what happens.
Praying for an extra measure of strength, wisdom and patience tonight.
And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weaknesses; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27
Today I had to ask my son Brent to leave our house. He is gone. I am devastated. Please pray for us.
