The backstory

I guess it may seem that the decision to ask Brent to leave was rather abrupt, perhaps even rash. I have been second-guessing myself all weekend long - did we do the right thing?

What's been going on with Brent has been going on for an extended period now. We first began having problems well over a year ago. At first the behaviours seemed isolated and they were so out of character for him. But a pattern of defiance and disrespect for those in authority over him has developed and in the last few weeks my husband and I came to the decision that we could no longer allow his behaviour to disrupt the rest of the family. We laid it out for Brent: we don't want to have to ask you to leave, but if you wish to continue living here then you MUST abide by our rules. If you want to live by your own rules, then you will have to do so elsewhere.

I'll say this for Brent, he's tenacious. He wondered if we could negotiate a third option: he would continue to live here, but he could live as he pleased on a trial basis. Just to, you know, see how that would work out for everyone. (!) That kid. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry over the stuff he comes up with. *smile* Well, obviously our answer to the third option was no. Bottom line: if you want to live like a grown-up and enjoy all the perks of being able to (theoretically) live as you please, then you have to take on the responsibilities of a grown-up as well. And that includes taking care of yourself.

Well, we negotiated a few things: curfew and expectations for chores etc. And in the end, he agreed that he wanted to continue living here and he would tow the line.

But then Saturday he didn't. I would rather not say specifically what happened - let me just say that he crossed a line and did something incredibly disrespectful towards me. Suddenly I found myself at this point where I felt I had no good choice. If I let it slide, I would have no hope of ever enforcing the rules with him. But the alternative...?

In the back of my mind I had known that it would eventually come to this. Somehow, despite our best intentions, we let things get too far out of hand and by the time we really, solidly, no-fooling-this-time put our collective foot down...it was too late. The pattern had become too ingrained in him.

Do you remember that we took in a friend of Brent's for a few days in the winter when he was having trouble at home? Well, they are returning the favour. Brent has been staying with them since Saturday. Our hope is, of course, that we can work this out and that he will return home but I am relieved to know that he is somewhere safe for the timebeing.

This afternoon I invited Brent to come home for supper tonight so we can talk. We will see what happens.

Praying for an extra measure of strength, wisdom and patience tonight.