Get thee behind me satan

I'm beginning to wonder if there is a black cloud hanging over my head or something. Look, I don't want to go into details. Satan has flung another arrow at our family, that is certain. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of poor, poor me. I don't know why he's decided to pick on me and my family. I guess because he's found fertile ground here. He's managed to stir up strife and despair here; maybe he's lazy and likes to go for the low-hanging fruit.

I'm damaged right now, I know it, and susceptible to his attacks. I am so weak and weary and in need of strength, and in my weakness I have neglected the Word and His gifts given in the Divine Service. Would you lift me up? Prayer would be appreciated. A word of Scripture, if you can offer it, would help. Thanks everyone.

Rockstar

Brent had two performances this week in Toronto. On Thursday they were booked to perform at The Opera House and on Friday they played at Reverb.

The band that Brent is in is called "Made By A Virus". They are a rock band with a hip-hop influence. They mostly play rock venues and we've had a lot of fun accompanying him when he plays. I like to go partly to make sure that everything is ok in these places, and partly because I really like to see and hear him play. There are no drugs or alcohol going on in this band. Brent is the youngest band member and the older guys are good about watching out for him. I know it sounds weird, but this band has been a good influence on him. It's been good for him to have a focus and something to keep his mind off of his legal troubles.

Thursday's show was a hip-hop festival - about a dozen acts were performing. Made By A Virus was the only band performing; everybody else were "MC" acts, ie. they MC to a pre-recorded track.

Call me naive, but I was not aware of the dangers of the hip-hop culture. You could immediately sense there was tension between some of these performers. I guess its a pretty competitive industry and rivalries develop. Anyways, I'll make a long story short here: the band never got to perform because just before it was their turn to go on, a fight broke out between two of the hip-hop crews and two people got stabbed. We witnessed the fight, but thankfully we did not see the stabbings. The police arrived very quickly, shut down the show and locked down the building so no one could enter or leave. Everybody had to give their name and contact information and describe what they saw, if anything. Brent and I saw who did it and were able to identify the performers involved so we had to stay quite a while giving the police the details. The two young men who were stabbed know there attackers, and the attackers gave their names and addresses earlier to the promoters, so there is no doubt that they will be found and arrested. At the end of the ordeal, I was VERY glad I had decided to accompany Brent.

Friday's event was pretty subdued. I think everybody was still thinking of the events of the night before. They performed early in the evening and there weren't too many people in the hall at that point. I have to give them credit, they did their best to create as much energy as they could for their performance. I must have been discouraging to come all that way to perform for a handful of people

I got some pictures from the Reverb performance...

I would like a gold star now, please

Wow. I blogged three days in a row. Haven't done that in a LONG time. Its not like I haven't had anything to say. On the contrary, so much has happened over the last few months I scarcely know where to begin. I will try to catch you all up. I may have to do it over a couple posts...and I can't promise it will be entirely coherent.

Our houseguest T is gone. We had to ask her to leave (I'd rather not say why, out of respect for her privacy). She had no where to go - no one else would take her in. So I took her to a shelter. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Like in the top three. Maybe two. That shelter...well, let's just say that while I'm glad that such facilities exist for those who need them, it's still not a very nice place and certainly not the kind of place you'd want to have to bring a pregnant teen to.

Its been about 3 months now since she left. I hear that she is still living there. She has changed her mind about placing her child for adoption though. I feared that would happen. It might have happened whether we allowed her to stay on with us - I was getting the feeling she was having second thoughts - but I can't help but feel some guilt over what happened. The baby is due in about 2 weeks. I pray for them both often.

Things don't always work out the way you hope they will. You do things, and you mean them for good, but they don't turn out that way. It has been a hard lesson for me to learn. The apostle Paul insists that God uses all that stuff anyways, for the good of those who love Him. He takes the stuff that blows up in our faces and redeems it. I long to know sometimes how it looks from that other perspective; from here it looks like just so much smoke and ashes. I am not good at being patient.

Understanding Christian vocation

Dr. Gene Edward Veith discussing Christian vocation on Issues, Etc. It's a long listen - almost an hour - but so worth it. Have a listen. Then listen again. I bet it will forever change the way you view your Christian service.

I have the wisest pastor in the world

Don't believe me? Read on...


When Brent was arrested and banned (by the police) from returning home, one of the first things we did was take him to see our pastor. There were a lot of things going on that we needed help and guidance with: how to handle the arrest and criminal charges, how to deal with the underlying anger issues that led to the arrest, how to work toward a reconciliation between Kirk and Brent. Our pastor was formerly the chaplain at Lutherwood (a residential program for troubled youth) and has plenty of experience dealing with the Young Offenders justice system. He's also a skilled counsellor and mediator. He and Brent have a good relationship and Brent trusts him, so it seemed the logical place to go for help.


Our pastor listened to our tale, advised us on on how to begin working through our myriad troubles, spoke some words of encouragement to us and prayed with us. His take charge manner was quite reassuring and we left feeling a bit more hopeful.

But despite all that, Brent was still feeling pretty down - not being able to come home with us was pretty hard on him. We dropped him off at his place and reminded him we'd be there to pick him up the following morning to go to church.

We knew that going to church was going to be a hurdle for him; he was feeling pretty ashamed and self-conscious and worried that people would see him differently because of his arrest. We tried to reassure him as best we could.

That Sunday it was Confirmation day and we pull out all the stops for a big day like that. The service begins with special music and a full procession with acolytes, crucifer and candle-bearer followed by the Pastor, Vicar and the confirmands and then the choir, of which I am a member. So there I am, waiting in the narthex for the procession to begin and who do I see coming out, dressed in an alb and carrying the processional cross but Brent. My heart nearly stopped. Its been a number of years since I saw Brent dressed for a procession; those duties usually are carried out by confirmands and Brent is long since confirmed. Occassionally though, Pastor will tap an older kid if he's short of help.

I knew in the instant I saw him that our pastor had chosen Brent with another purpose in mind. This was his way of telling Brent that despite what had happened, nothing had changed. In this place, the cross was still for him, forgiveness was his just as surely as the cross he held in his hands. Your sins are forgiven, Brent.

It was a very moving moment for me. I entered the sanctuary that morning with tears streaming down my face, singing "Thy Strong Word" as my son processed ahead of me, bearing the cross to the altar. I will never forget that day and what my dear pastor did for my son.

Message of love

For Ken's birthday this year I bought us his and hers jewelery - gold chains and crosses. The significance of this gift might not be readily apparent if you don't know us well.

First and foremost the jewelery is an outward representation of our unity: united in marriage and united in Christ. That one should be fairly obvious and it is the primary statement I wanted to make, but there are other reasons I bought the jewelery.

Have you ever heard of that "love language" thing? Supposedly each of us has a method, a "language" if you will of how we view expressions of love, both given and received. Ken's love language is giving and receiving gifts. When someone gives him a gift he views it as an expression of love towards him. It is also his primary way of demonstrating his love towards others. And the bigger the gift, the greater the love.

I, however, have a different love language. My language is to do things for others. That's how I demonstrate my love for others - I do things for them. And for me, the more "menial" the job, the greater the love I am demonstrating. Conversely, I view acts of kindness done for me as proof of devotion.

As far as love languages go, we are pretty much at opposite ends of the spectrum. We're aware of each others languages and we do try to give and receive love with that understanding but...well, let's just say that it doesn't come naturally for either of us.

Ken is also a big fan of the bling. He likes big rings and wears multiple bracelets and necklaces. We have a little saying: Ken likes the shiny and impractical. *smile* But me? Not so much. I prefer the understated. I wear very little jewelery and the thought of spending a lot of money on jewelery makes me shudder.

So you can see then, why this birthday gift has special significance. With it I tried to speak in the love language that he understands and in a way that would be unmistakeable to him. I think he gets it because he hasn't taken off the necklace since I gave it to him.

Please support the pork

I feel bad for the pig farmers. This whole "swine flu" thing has been hard on their already struggling industry. We are not supposed to call it swine flu anymore - it is now known as H1N1.

I heard this morning that China has halted the import of Canadian pork products into their country, even though there is no evidence that you can get the flu from eating pork. I didn't even realize we exported pork to China.

Some of our clients where I work are pig farmers/pig veterinarians. They have company names like "PigPharm" and "Swine Services Group". I kid you not! Funny names aside, they do have very stringent safety regulations. Our technicians have to shower before entering AND after leaving a barn to ensure that they are not causing any cross-contamination.

This is a big pork producing area, and I feel it is my patriotic duty to support the pig farmers in their time of need by consuming more pork products *grin*. (This despite the fact we are unable to produce a decent breakfast sausage around here. Why, oh why can't we have Jimmy Dean? It is a mystery.)

My family loves pork products of all kinds. Mmmm... pork chops, rolled ribs, schnitzel. Consider the triumvirate of bacon, ham & sausage. What would breakfast be without some sort of pork product?

I overheard Kirk tell Hope the other day, "I love you more than anything. Even bacon." What a romantic!

Around here we even eat pork hocks and pig tails. My mom makes wicked good pigtails. I'm not sure I would eat pig's feet though. I once saw a jar of pickled pig's feet. That was in South Carolina. I guess they are popular down there. Not so much here.

I also can't do pork rinds. Ewww.

My husband grew up on a pig farm. When we first started dating he took me into the barn to see the "weaners". That means the little pigs that had been weaned from their mothers. I misunderstood and though he meant "weiners". I wasn't so sure I wanted to know EXACTLY where my hot dogs were coming from!

Here is how I make schnitzel:

If you can't get schnitzel-cut pork where you are, use a pork loin roast. Slice the roast into 1/4 inch slices and then pound them thin. They will double or even triple in size when you pound them out.

Season both sides of the meat with a little salt and pepper.

Dip the slices into Catalina dressing and then into dried bread crumbs.

Fry the slices in a little vegetable oil. They cook quickly and you only need a few minutes per side (depending on how thin you pounded them).

You can serve these with sauce if you like - a mushroom gravy is a traditional way of serving them. My family likes them plain with mashed potatoes and red cabbage.

They're altogether ooky

My "Addams Family"!

A very dear lady where Ken and Kirk work returned to work this week from cancer treatment. The chemo caused all her hair to fall out. My sweet husband (that's the handsome one in the centre) arranged for all the guys at work to get their heads shaved in solidarity. They canvassed for pledges and raised money for cancer research. Kirk is on the right. That's Brent on the left. He doesn't work with the other two - he just thinks its cool to be bald.

This is what pro-life looks like

I am pro-life.

But I wasn't always.

I came of age in the late 1980's. Here in Canada there was a lot of attention on "the abortion issue" around that time. Up until the late 60's/early 70's (I forget exactly) abortion under any circumstances was illegal in Canada. It was illegal to perform one and illegal to have one. Then good old Trudeau decided that "the state has no place in the bedrooms of the nation" and the abortion legislation was changed to permit abortions that were performed in hospitals, reviewed by a committee and deemed to be necessary to protect the health of the mother. All other abortions remained illegal. Then in 1988, the Supreme Court of Canada struck down the existing abortion legislation as "unconstitutional". Since then, there have been no new attempts to legislate abortion, so in effect any and all abortion is legal in Canada.

As well, in 1989 there were two high profile abortion cases that made the national news. They both involved pregnant, unmarried women seeking abortions. Nothing new there, right? What made them of interest to the country was the fact that their boyfriends (the fathers of the unborn children) sought and were granted injunctions against their girlfriend having the abortion. The courts eventually overturned the injunctions and said that fathers can't "force" mothers to carry children they don't want to, but neither woman waited that long. Both of them defied the injunctions and had abortions performed in the United States.

I remember these cases quite well. I was pregnant at the time with Kirk, so they hit close to home. And I'll be honest...at the time I had mixed feelings about it all. I feel differently about it now, but back then I didn't think it was right that the man could force a woman to remain pregnant against her will. It just seemed wrong to me. But abortion seemed wrong to me too. I was decidedly conflicted on the matter.

Of course, those were different times. My attitude towards abortion has migrated into the staunchly pro-life camp. It's not because my attitude about men forcing women to carry babies has changed - I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's still something wrong about that to me. What has changed is my attitude and understanding of the sanctity of life. It changed over time; as I got older and my understanding of the Scriptures matured I became convinced that God regards all life as sacred and that we are obligated to protect life in all circumstances.

Lately though, I've come to understand that opposing abortion doesn't necessarily equate to being pro-life.

We have a new foster daughter. She has been living with us since the end of January. She is 18 and she is almost 6 months pregnant. We did not know when we took her in that she was pregnant - I'm not sure if it would have made a difference...but it might have. We might not have wanted to take that on. I'm not trying to justify that - just being honest.

In fact, there have been moments when I have questioned the wisdom of having her living with us. It has been, quite frankly, somewhat disruptive for our family. We've had to deal with things I never dreamt I'd be doing at this point in my life. We are now in the position of guiding and influencing the course of at least two young lives - Timika's and the baby's - and the burden of this responsibility weighs on me. I must admit I feel utterly unequal to the task. I've gone back and forth on whether we are doing the right thing. Would she be better served if we were to find her a maternity home to live in, with professional folks who are trained to help her deal with her situation? I've thought about it.

Recently, I heard the following quote from Dr. James Lamb, director of Lutherans for Life, on Issues, Etc.:

"We don't see it (abortion) as just a moral issue that needs correcting or a political issue that needs strategizing; it's a spiritual issue and that needs to take priority for us in our lives to move us in the decisions that we make, the issues that we support and defend and so forth.

We as God's people need to reach out and influence those around us who are not like us, living in the real world. And that means if we are going to influence our neighbor...we are to love our neighbor. And so the manner of reaching out becomes very important. So there's a call for sharing the truth in love and there's a call for acting out in love. "

I have taken those words to heart. Timika will stay here and we will walk with her through this. I think this is what Dr. Lamb meant by acting out in love. We covet your prayers.

True love

In Ontario, for every 100 women who find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy, 49% abort their children.

Another 49% choose to keep the child.

Only 2% choose adoption.

The ratio of couples wanting to adopt vs. babies available for adoption is roughly 70:1.

To the 2% - God bless you. What you are doing is heroic. It must be incredibly difficult to stand against the popular wisdom that tells you to put yourself and your own needs first. Instead, you have chosen to put the best interests of another life - your baby's! - ahead of your own. You have chosen to give this child life, and you have made a plan to give your child a stable home with a mom and a dad who are willing and able to raise and care for him. That is the definition of a good parent. That is what you are.

Your time as this child's parent will be brief, and soon the time will come for you to hand over that responsiblity to his adoptive parents, but the foundation of this child's life is being built right now in the choices that you are selflessly making for him.

Mother's Day is not too far away, and maybe your heart will break a little on that day. Mine will break a little too. But on that day, I will honour you as a good and true Mother.

God bless you.