I never knew
Hey moms...
I have a secret to tell you. Nobody told me this before, but I think that you should know.
If you think that you love your kids now, while they are yet little...just you wait until they are almost grown.
My oldest son, Kirk, is 3 weeks shy of turning 18 and then he will legally be an adult. I think my heart will burst.
It's this odd mixture of love and worry; pride and regret. I see what a fine young man he is growing into and a part of me wonders incredulously how we got here. Where did my little man go? You hear those cliches: "It goes by so fast" and "Before you know it they're grown" and if you're in the middle of toilet training and the terrible twos you wonder skeptically why, then, does this seem like forEVER to me? Don't be fooled: It's over in the blink of an eye.
There's another part of me that is frantic - have we prepared him for adulthood? It's seems like there is still so much to do. How can it be that the world will consider him an adult - old enough to make his own legal decisions - when I haven't even finished teaching him how to be a teenager, let alone a 'grown up'? I've barely just figured it out for myself.
I want to go back; get just a little more time. So many nights after a tough day with the kids I cried myself to sleep and begged God, please just let me have this day over. I'll do better. I promise. Of course there are no do-overs - but God is gracious. Despite my shortcomings as a parent, Kirk is a pretty darn good kid. Thank you Holy Spirit.
I know that in some ways, eighteen is just an arbitrary milestone. Despite the fact that his legal status will change, mostly things will stay the same around here. He'll still go to school each day, and he'll still work part time at A&W. He'll be sleeping down the hall and eating meals with us like always and going to worship and youth group and to the movies with his friends. The day to day really won't be changing. But I'll know. These eighteen years that have been given to me have been both a precious gift and a sacred obligation. God gave Kirk to us to care for, but he belongs to Jesus. I wish I could say that we've been utterly faithful to our obligation. We haven't. We've missed the mark too many times to count. But God is faithful and I comfort myself with this knowledge. I pray that as we continue to build on these foundations that God will bless our efforts.
And please God, if it's ok, could Kirk stick around just a little longer? I'm not quite ready to let him go.
10 comments:
May God always greatly bless Kirk, and forever watch over him.
18! Wow! Congratulations!!
i just sent you a very important email. Let me know what you think.
It's a funny thing; nothing changes and yet everything does. You know it and so do they. They try their wings a little more and you worry a little more over whether they will be able to fly or not. And they start to change inside as well.
I have two boys in that boat, one 21 and one 19. Some times I am so proud my heart wants to burst. Sometime I cry myself to sleep. I've talked it over with the Lord and I know that any chance of making changes in them is gone. Now it's between them and the Lord.
It's a hard time in the life of a mother because that instinct to lay your life down for you kids doesn't go away. All you can do is lay them in the arms of the Lord. It doesn't seem possible but He loves them more than we do. He'll do what's best for them. All we have to do is trust Him. In the end it's the only thing we can do.
Wow! Congratulations!! :) I can't even imagine what 18 will be like with my kiddos. Mine are 9 and 6 now, and even that seems too old.
You must be so proud! He seems like a wonderful young man.
Your post gives me such hope, Anita! I am often reminded, and remind others, that I'm not parenting alone or even just in tandem with my husband. It is comforting, because there have been so many times already that I have prayed for another chance. We were just reading that girls with ADHD may simply not be mature enough to do things at the ages when teens typically do things - i.e. drive at 16, leave for college at 18...etc. This selfish mama was thinking, Oh, good! I have a few more years opportunity with them both. Ha! As if *more* time with this sinful old mama will help. *sigh*
I have been rather fearful of the teen years. My nieces and nephews got to a certain age and I no longer know what to say to them. I'm encouraged that maybe it won't happen with my girls.
Oh - I am *so* looking forward to meeting you in December!!! Are your boys coming, too, or just you and your husband?
Oops --- *and* daughter! I knew you had a daughter!
It's always so good to learn from someone who has kids just a little older! Thank you so much, Anita.
Wow! Can't picture Flicka OR Pojke at 18 just yet! *wink* But, thanks for the reminder to value the season I'm in! ((hugs))
He looks like a really sweet kid, oops, I mean young man. He has such a nice smile. I can't imagine being at that place--ever. Sometimes it seems like we will be changing diapers forever. It's nice to get the long view.
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