Have you ever wondered how I spend my day? (C'mon, humour me, okay?)
Yesterday I spent a fair bit of time tracking down a SCSI cable that would connect a RAID controller with a VHDCI adapter to a tape drive with an HD-68 adapter. Then I set up email accounts on the vmail server for a new client and had the ISP change their MX records so they would point to the Postini servers. I also had to help a client who was having a networking issue. I wasn't able to resolve the underlying issue for her so I dispatched a technician to go on site, but I did manage to find a workaround for her until he got there. I ordered some software license renewals for clients with soon-to-expire software licenses, sourced a production-grade wireless thin-client with a built in touch-screen monitor, and made some updates to the company website.
Got all that? Yeah, I know. I am SUCH a geek.
Now, understand here that I DO NOT have a technical background. My background is actually in marketing and administration for the food service industry. I’m not at all a “left-brain” kind of person and if you had told me 5 years ago that I would be working for a computer services company and that all those techno-acronyms would actually MAKE SENSE to me, I would have laughed myself silly. But here I am anyways.
When I found this job, I wasn't working and I wasn't looking for work. I was actually helping a friend look for a job. We were doing an online job search and I came across a posting for the position that I now hold. They were looking for administrative and marketing support for a small computer services company. And when I read it, I thought to myself "I bet I could do that job". On a whim, I emailed my resume and to my surprise, I got a phone call about 20 minutes later. Would I be interested in coming in for an interview?
Well, like I said, I wasn't looking for a job, but with the kids away at school all day there was nothing keeping me from finding something to do outside the house, and I figured what the heck, it can't hurt to talk to them. I figured I could always say no and to be honest, I didn’t think they’d be interested in me and my “right-brain” skills.
But as it turned out, God had other plans. After talking to my (now) boss, we both realized that what he was looking for vs. my skill set were a perfect match. From a lifestyle perspective, it was perfect as well. I didn't want to work full-time and he was looking for someone to work half days. It was close to home, I didn't have to start until after the kids went to school and I would be back in the afternoon long before they got home again. Kids home sick? No problem, I could work from home those days. And on and on. My husband and I prayed about it, but to be honest, it didn't take much convincing that this was where God wanted me to serve him. That conviction has been confirmed for me over and over again since I have worked here. It’s a very family-friendly place to work, and I have the best boss in the world! And though I was hired to do marketing and admin, my role has expanded and I now handle some technical tasks as well. I have learned so much and to my surprise, I find it interesting and fulfilling work.
I can't explain why God thought it would be a good idea for me to work here. A couple of years before this all transpired, I'd had a “good idea” of my own: I had been actively pursuing full time church work. I thought that God was calling me to it and even though that door was repeatedly and very firmly closed to me, I fought against it and sought to find a way around. I was CONVINCED, despite all the signs to the contrary, that this was His will for me. When it (finally) became apparent to me that God was NOT in fact calling me to work in his church I became quite despondent. I was so hurt and confused. I had thought - really, really believed - that He had been calling me to be a servant of the church, and when it turned out that belief had been wrong...well, it really put me into a tailspin. How would I ever, going forward, be able to discern His will for me - and be confident that I had discerned it accurately? Clearly, I had been horribly wrong here and what assurance did I have that I wouldn't make another mistake like that again? None, I concluded, because obviously I couldn’t tell where my own will ended and God’s began.
That was a really hard time for me. I could not get over the feeling that I had lost something precious and I struggled with it for a long time. I struggled with a lot of feelings actually – most of all a deep, aching hurt. Why didn’t God want me? What was wrong with me that He didn’t want me “on his team”? (Looking back, I am embarrassed at such selfish immaturity, but that was how I felt.)
But this is how God showed His grace and mercy to me: He picked a job in an industry that was least likely to be attractive to me, and DROPPED IT in my lap. He did it in such a way that I had no doubt whatsoever that He orchestrated the whole thing. And he said unequivocally to me, "THIS is where I want you to serve me." I didn't understand why he wanted me here specifically - I still don't - but it is unquestionably His will for me. He didn’t have to do that. After all, I was the one sulking like a child who didn’t get her own way. He could have let me stew. But instead He graciously showed me that I don’t have to fret over discerning His will for me – if I stop struggling against Him, He will simply make it known. I now have a real sense of peace that comes from knowing I am exactly where He wants me to be, and that is such a gift.
I must admit, that I have not lost my desire to be a servant of the church. In fact, it is a fond desire. But I think now that if it is a holy desire then one day He will fulfill it, according to His purpose. Until then or until He calls me to something else, I am content to serve Him where I am.
In Geekdom.
